Buhtt sex?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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