my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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