Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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