i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
