Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
