he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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