my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I puked a lego.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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