found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
