omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
