I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
