i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
