Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
