No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
