In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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