I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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