it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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