Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
literally had 100 drinks last night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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