That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
