she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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