Sponge bath it is.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
