We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
