i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
