If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
