I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
