So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
