You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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