someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
