if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
