I look better un-naked...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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