Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
