did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
