somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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