Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
