today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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