I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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