I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
