Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
