Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
