Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
