I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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