I hate all girls vehemently.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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