what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
