farters have to be the big spoon...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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