Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
