WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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