I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
