I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
