I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
