I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
