You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
