no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
